For the past year, I've been struggling to accept that some friends aren't always going to stick around through the hard times. The friendships that you spent years building aren't always as stable as you thought. That the very people who once told you that they'd be there for you "no matter what" are the same people who quickly turn their back to you when it's not convenient for them. Friends were supposed to be forever, right? So what went wrong?
I recently saw a post that a friend of mine on Facebook had shared:
"God removes people from your life because he heard conversations that you didn't hear."
That one hit me. I re-read that a few times and let that sink in. I immediately identified that quote with an individual whom I'd had a recent falling out with. Do we always know what is said behind closed doors? No. We'd like to believe that we do, but the truth is that we don't. And that's a hard truth to come to terms with sometimes. It's a truth that I had to accept after the realization that my old friendship was never going to mend. So what happens next?
One of the few things like that I actually look forward to on Monday mornings are the Monday Club emails I subscribe to from Hannah Brencher. Each month focuses on a topic that dives a little deeper into tough conversations and gives me my weekly pep talk. The month of June's focus had been on friendships, and it's been a month of healing for me. Below is a snip from a recent installment:
I clung to the statement that not every friend is meant to remain for good. Not every friend we come close to is meant to stay there forever. Some come and stay for a brief time, and some stick around for a few years. But not all friends are meant to know you and grow with you. Sometimes the end of a friendship is mutual and slowly fades out. But sometimes its abrupt and messy. The messy ones are the most difficult to come to terms with. And most of the time you don't know the deadline you have with one another.
I've had several friends that I held close and then lost. I've grown with them for as long as our paths were meant to cross. I've laughed with them, cried with them, experienced heartbreak with them, and made memories that will last a lifetime. Until our deadlines came and passed. But I've learned to acknowledge their impact in my life, appreciate all that I've learned from them, and move forward.
If there's anything that I've learned during the loss of a friendship, it's that friendships are meant to teach us and help us shape the life we want to live. When we befriend someone, it's typically because at that time in your life you have things in common with that other person or you both feed off of a similar vibe or hold similar values. Over time, those values or lifestyles may change. And that's okay- that's called evolution and growth. Just because you have a friend break-up doesn't mean that it was all for nothing. In fact, you needed that friendship to grow as an individual. You just happened to grow in a different direction than the other did. That's okay.
So here I am saying my quiet goodbyes to friendships lost and celebrating the growth that's gotten me to where I am now. Knowing that the friendship I had was meaningful and served a purpose is enough for me to move on. And I hope it is for you too.
Until the next chapter,
Comments