I'm not sure why everyone always tells me that I'm strong. Every hardship I open up about is always met with the response "You're so strong" and the discussion dwindles out. So many people talk about strength, but so many people forget that struggle comes with it too.
Calling someone strong and recognizing strength within them is never bad. It’s actually a relief sometimes to know that others see how hard you’re working and how much you’ve gone through. It’s the act of using that phrase as a conversation closer or a pat on the back and never diving deeper than that. Why is that person strong? They must have gone through a significant amount of challenges and change. Are they done walking through the fire? Could they use encouragement or support along the way? Sometimes they really just need a cheerleader, someone who understands that they’re going through a hard time, supports them, checks in on them frequently, and is there for them when they need it. Strong people need strength from others too.
People see my strength and resilience on the outside. It's the face I paint when I need to be strong for others. What they don't see is me breaking down crying at night before falling asleep. The dishes piling up. The unopened mail collecting dust. Choosing to stay inside and out of sight on my days off. Some days I can feel great and feel positive. Some days I feel out of place and numb. Others I'm a complete mess and struggle to get up out of bed. Opening up is hard, and sometimes it's just as hard to simply hear "I'm so sorry, you're so strong".
The year of 2020 has forced us all to face things we'd never anticipated. Personally, I've watched so many people I care about lose loved ones. I've watched as a close friend faces a relapse no one saw coming. I have no family support system here in Wisconsin and often feel very lonely. I've struggled becoming a new leader in the middle of COVID. I've worked longer and longer hours that seems to all somehow mesh together. It's exhausting and draining both physically and mentally.
If there's one important thing I could share, it would be to check on your strong friends. Check in with your friend who seems to always be doing well. Check in with your happy friends. Check in with your busy friends. Just because your friend is strong doesn't mean they aren't also facing something difficult. Every single person is struggling with something, even if it doesn't seem like it from the outside looking in. We're here, silently struggling just as much as the next person. We may not be good at vocalizing that because we want to seem like we have it all together. Most of the time we don't, we just want to stay strong for the people we care about. Often, we lose track of ourselves in the process.
To the ones silently struggling: I hear you, I see you, I understand. It's been a hard year, a hard couple of months, a hard week. I get it, and I'm so proud of how far you've made it through so far. Thank you for being here and showing up. Thank you for your consistent work to make things better for everyone else. But don’t forget to take care of yourself too. Take some deep breaths, treat yourself to a coffee, take a few moments to yourself if you can. You are doing the best that you can with what you're given- celebrate that. You are so appreciated and recognized. You're not just strong, you’re an overcomer. On your days where you feel like you just want to break down, know that I am just a message away. Please reach out, I will support you and talk you through whatever challenge you're facing. We will get through this. Together.
"You are strong enough to face it all, even if it doesn't feel like it right now." -Unknown
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. Do the thing you think you cannot do." -Eleanor Roosevelt
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