Welcome back, friends! It's good to be writing to you again. The past few months have been full of growth and experiences. I've been living in the moments and taking life day by day. I've dedicated time to myself and found new hobbies that I've enjoyed along the way. It's been refreshing and I can't wait to share those moments of personal growth with you. For now, I wanted to share about my shift in thought and how it's helped me overcome gossip.
A while back, I heard a rumor about myself that had been circulating for a time. It's not a surprise to me anymore, since it's not the first time it's happened. The rumors started to reach me a few years ago, and the people at the heart of those rumors continue to speculate on my life.
Previously when I heard things through the rumor mill about myself, I would suffocate from the weight of those false claims. I immediately felt embarrassed and ashamed. I became obsessed with who started that rumor and wanting to know why it was started in the first place. Why would they say those horrible things about me? What had I done to them to deserve this? I've always been so nice to this person. Do people actually believe this about me? They left deep wounds not just on my pride, but on my confidence. I would begin to think that everyone viewed me in that light. I would second guess myself, be cautious of who I spoke with, and quickly became consumed with anxiety. The worst feeling was realizing that I had started to believe what people were saying about me.
When reflecting on this latest rumor, I almost immediately realized my shift in mindset. I noticed that it didn't carry the usual weight. It didn't feel gut wrenching like it used to. Instead, my first thought was "Wow, apparently there's a whole other me out there living this crazy life, huh?" I simply laughed and carried on with my day. I thought about it later that night, but it wasn't thought in agony of self-pity.
Now, don't get me wrong- the rumor wasn't kind. It was developed to make a mockery of me. Created to add drama in their lives and to provide entertainment. It was the type of rumor that people shouldn't joke about or speak on if they knew better. That person was likely looking for my reaction to either justify their claims or laugh at my expense. I won't be repeating these rumors here, because I will not allow them a voice.
I've become a very private person, so I know the truth about myself. I've grown to know my worth and know the person that these people portray is not me. I only share things about my life with a select group of people, and that circle is small. Small but incredibly supportive, loving, and trustworthy. The people I now surround myself get the absolute best version of me. They are the only people whose opinions matter to me. Everything else is outside noise.
What I've come to learn is that an intentionally spread rumor is a reflection not on me, but on the person choosing to spread that rumor. The narrative that people wrote for me is what they needed me to be. Not who I truly was. They needed someone to play a part in their own story. To be the villain, the latest topic of gossip, or to use as an outlet to make themselves feel better. But I've worked hard to become the person I am today and I refuse to let a rumor overshadow that. Because rumors are exactly that- rumors. They do not define us. They are only given a voice if we allow them one.
Choosing not to give life to a rumor gives us the control again. If we choose not to let it affect us, then the person who started it doesn’t succeed. That shift in thinking has made world of difference for me, as I hope it does for you.
Until the next chapter,
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