May is Mental Health Awareness Month! As I'm sure most of you know, I've had my fair share of battles with my mental health and I can't pass up this month without speaking some truth to you.
I can preach to you about all the things you could to to improve your stress and anxiety. I can tell you all about bath bombs, essential oil diffusers, exercise, and healthy eating habits. I can give you all the advice in the world to help improve your mindset and focus, but first you have to make a very important step. You have to acknowledge that you need some help. The first step to feeling okay is reaching out and asking for help. Before anything else, THIS comes first.
When I was in a place of doubting myself and feeling like I was utterly alone, I didn't think that people wanted to hear what I was facing. I thought that something must have been wrong with me because everyone else seemed so happy and occupied in their lives. Why would they want to hear about some sob story from me? That would just bring them down and I didn't want that for my friends and family. So I suffered through a lot of dark times thinking that I had to deal with them on my own.
When I was feeling my lowest, it was in the midst of my mother passing and my family moving away. My sister moved down to Missouri, my dad headed north to Michigan, we sold my family home, and I moved into my first home with my boyfriend at the time. We were all trying our best to move forward, but it hurt knowing that my family would never be together again like it used to be. I told myself that dealing with my mother's death was old news and nobody would want to hear about my struggles since it happened a year ago. So I kept it to myself and figured that I would move past those feelings.
At work, I wanted so bad to impress my coworkers and leadership. I always said yes. Even when I was feeling overwhelmed or stressed or anxious. I always said yes to whatever anybody asked of me. I wanted to be that person that people would turn to for help or advice. Because if I could make someone else happy, I would do it in a heartbeat. And by making someone else happy, I would maybe feel just a little bit better on the inside myself. But that happiness was only temporary. In reality, I ended up stretching myself so thin it just caused more stress and anxiety. And I did this in all aspects of my life.
At that time, I was playing mediator between my family and painting a face on everyday when I walked into work. I acted as if everything was okay even though it felt like I was walking on eggshells and the minute I busted through my entire world would collapse around me. I felt like everything was falling apart and I was frantically trying to piece it all together.
I remember when I finally broke down and a wellness check was called on me. The cops showed up at my house and we waited for the psychiatrist to drive out to my house at 10 o'clock at night. I thought I wasn't going to say anything to her. I thought if I said what they wanted to hear, then they would just leave. But when she arrived and began asking questions, the tears started streaming down my face. My voice was shaky and I spit out everything that had been going on. I told her about my family troubles, my work stresses, the pressure to appear perfect. Everything I had been feeling but couldn't manage to say to my friends or family. I poured my heart out to a complete stranger. You guys, I slept better that night than I had in months. It was a sleep of absolute relief and content.
The words that therapist said to me have stuck with me every day since: "I am so surprised that you have been going through all of this and you aren't worse." Damn. Those are scary words. They were threatening and almost a compliment at the same time. I guess I should have mentally been worse off than what I was. My circumstances scared her and she was actually saying that I was doing better than what she thought? I sat on those words for a long time.
I'm really proud of where I've come since those dark days. I've learned so much about myself and I've grown from my experiences. I'm still learning to maintain a healthy mindset. It's not something that you learn and move on from. A healthy mindset requires constant upkeep and maintenance. The road to a healthy mindset starts with YOU. Below are a few things that I've learned and want to share with you:
1. Stop telling yourself that people don't love you or care about you. Because believe me, they do. There are people on this earth that you've made a difference for that you may never know about. Your friends care very much and want to help. Your family loves you, despite any hardships that lays between you. People want to help, but you have to tell them if you're struggling. They won't know unless you speak up. And the minute you do, they will flood you with so much love.
2. Family and friends are not your only saving grace. There are so many organizations and groups that exist for the sole purpose of helping someone out of their darkness. People like To Write Love On Her Arms, The Suicide Prevention Line, and more. People like me. If you feel alone and want to talk to someone without judgement, please reach out to an organization or reach out to Dominique or I at comebackchapers@gmail.com. We're no experts, but both of us have been through many hardships. We are here for you and we want to help.
3. Stop telling yourself that you will just "get through it". That was my biggest mistake. The stress kept piling up, the feelings got worse, and I eventually did explode. I have a friend who meets with a therapist monthly and it helps keep her mind at peace. It's not a taboo thing. It's okay to talk to someone. No matter what you're facing, you should never feel like you're facing it alone.
I want you to be successful. I want you to live your life to the very fullest. I want to hear your story. But in order to get there, you have to let someone know that you're struggling and need some support. What you allow to consume your mind, consumes your life. Don't assume that things will work themselves out and you'll one day wake up feeling fine without dealing with your struggles. Half the battle to a healthy and happy mind is acknowledging that there is room for growth and that changes need to be made. Let's take the first step together- I'm here for you.
"Our mindset can either propel us forward into our dream life and keep us in a state of happiness and gratitude, or it can keep us in negativity and a paralyzed state of spinning our wheels. The choice is yours." -Unknown
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