I woke up this morning with a horrible headache. It felt like my temples were pulsating out of my brain and I hadn’t even stepped foot out of my bed yet. I tried closing my eyes to rest a little longer but I couldn’t stop shaking. I threw the blankets off and sat up feeling completely not like myself. Both my bare feet hit the cold floor. Wait, cold floor not a good sign. I threw on an over-sized gray hoodie and headed downstairs to check the thermostat only to find it completely blank. What does a blank thermostat mean? I never experienced that before, so I went downstairs to the basement and checked the heater. Of course, it wasn’t working either. I walked back up the stairs feeling completely defeated. What else can go wrong? How much can a girl take? Do you ever feel the weight of the world on your chest sometimes? That’s how I’ve been feeling a lot lately and the thought of buying a furnace right now sickened my stomach.
I came back upstairs and wanted to make some tea and just sit for a moment. My throat was burning so instead of making my normal tea I made throat tea. I have no idea if that’s what it's really called, but I call it that because it helps with sore throats. It's 1 cup warm water, the juice of a half of a fresh lemon, 2 Tablespoons apple cider vinegar, 2 Tablespoons raw honey, and a dash of cinnamon. I know it sounds kind of weird but it works. The honey and cinnamon help out with the taste. You should try it the next time you have a sore throat. I went to go grab a coffee cup out of the cabinet and without thinking I grabbed a cup that had the word “believe” on it. I didn’t notice it until I was sitting at the table all bundled up in my hoodie sitting in complete silence. Believe huh, well I’m really trying to I muttered to myself. It's hard to believe that it’s going to be okay when everything is crumbling beneath your feet.
My moment of silence didn’t last very long. I could hear the pitter patter of tiny feet coming down the stairs. The twins were awake. They ran into the family room and started playing with their trucks. A few minutes later they disappeared upstairs. I thought they were going to play in their room. They were a little too quiet so I went to go check on them. Silence in my house is suspicious. They ended up in their sister’s room playing with glitter that she had gotten for Christmas. Glitter was everywhere. It was on their head, face, and hands. Not to mention all over the floor and bed. When I went to go grab the boys to wash them off they both took off, each in a different direction. One ran downstairs and the other down the hall. I followed the one downstairs. When I got him, I took him to the bathroom to get washed up. As I was reaching for the towel, the picture hanging on the wall took me back for a moment. You know it is kind of funny how we see things everyday but don’t really pay attention to the details. It was that word “believe” again. Next to it was a butterfly. Not many people know but I really love butterflies. I think they are so beautiful. I love the process that a butterfly goes through. It starts off as a caterpillar, as we often do. It’s like when we are walking through life trying to figure out who we are or who we want to become. The next step is making a cocoon. That’s often us as we tried to shield ourselves from whatever hurt we are going through, or putting ourselves in a cocoon to better ourselves. The final and most beautiful stage is the outcome of the process, when a beautiful butterfly emerges. It went through all these stages and came out with its wings outstretched, flying where ever it wants showing the world its beauty.
Fast forward a few hours and I was upstairs in the bathroom getting ready for the day. I was doing my make-up when I glanced in the mirror and guess what I seen? Yup, you guessed it. It was that word “believe” again on my shower curtain and next to it was a butterfly. I quickly turned around and stared at it. “Okay, Okay I get it, I finally understand” I said out loud. Wow nothing like being whacked in the face three times in a few short hours to get my attention. Was it that I didn’t believe anymore? No, it wasn’t that. I just needed a reminder. How easy is it to forget when we are carrying a heavy load on our chest. You know what? The load is never meant for us to carry by ourselves. Sometimes something so simple as believing can take the weight off. You know I heard the quiet whispers to believe that everything was going to be okay but I ignored them. Does that ever happen to you? Do you ever hear that voice in the back of your mind that tells you to do something and you don’t do it, then you end up suffering needlessly because you didn’t listen? That is me all the time. Sometimes I can be so stubborn thinking I can handle everything when in reality I can’t even handle half of it. Don’t underestimate the power of the word believe. Remember the butterfly breaks free in the end because it believes it can break out of its cocoon. You are that beautiful butterfly that will break free and show the world who you are. You just have to believe. Don’t ever stop believing.
Just a heads up, for the month of February Alanna and I are doing a series on self- love since February is the month of love. We always graciously give love to other people but how often do we extend that love to ourselves? Stay tuned for a great series! xoxoxoxo